Fear of Toilets

There really is no better way to describe what happened to me today, other than to paste the gtalk conversation where TJ took great delight in my misfortune…

Doom: i
 have
 the funniest
 story
 to
 tell
 you
TJ: tell me
Doom: ok
 the preface is going to give it away
 but its necessary
TJ: ok
Doom: i have a fear of public toilets backfiring on me when i flush, after ive pooped
TJ: i like it already!
Doom: you know, instead of flushing down, it spews my own defecation and urine all over my bare ass and back
 (btw, you are getting an exclusive on todays post)
TJ: i changed my mind, I LOVE it
 keep going!
Doom: ok so, this morning has been crazy rushed
 trying to push this stuff out live
 and i hadnt had a chance to get to my 10am meeting with the porcelein king
 so, methinks that i made the king mad
 because at 1230, i went to pay my respects
 it was good meeting
 all went well
 it was even a rare finish, not requiring much clean up at all
TJ: gah you and the damn detail
Doom: the story is not funny without detail
 ok so
 my fear
 of toilets backfiring
 as i flushed, and before i could bring my pants to my waist
 the gasket on the flush mechanism must have been loose
TJ: i wish you could hear me laughing
Doom: and i remember now, because i went in yesterday and there was an overweight maintenance man “fixing” it
TJ: i sound like a lunatic
Doom: so
 as my hand was coming back up from pressing the lever down
 i heard the noise
 of a large, central-park-sized water fountain
 and i felt my ass begin to get wet
 and i turn and look
 and sure enough
 there is water spewing everywhere
 clean water, but still, water
TJ: omfg i can’t breathe
Doom: so in one superhuman motion
 i flung open the stall door
 with one hand
 and managed to pull up my pants, zipper, button, and tuck in my shirt with the other
TJ: wow
Doom: because i didnt know if someone would be wakling at the time that i was falling out of the stall, wet
 so now my slacks are soaked
 my back is soaked
 and im standing there, looking at myself in the big mirror
 trying to figure out what to do
 its not exactly a short walk back to my desk
 so i grabbed as many paper hand towels as i could
 and went into the OTHER stall
 dropped my pants
 and began to towel off my legs
 i dried off, composed myself, dried off my pants and shirt
 and nobody knows
TJ: except for meeee~!

What is the moral of this story? TJ is an evil wench!